So you may not look like the sexy thing you used to be before you had kids, but now that you’re a swingin’ single mom, who says “single moms can’t have fun”. You’ve unselfishly laboured and toiled after the kids 24/7 and your world revolved around them for some time.
There may be lots of challenges to balancing single parenting and dating, but don’t forget that single parents have the best of both worlds. We can live the vicarious life of the single carefree mom with lots of stories to share with our married girlfriends, but we can also relate to the moms on the “straight and narrow”.
Perhaps it’s the guilt of spending time away from the kids that has held you back from exploring the romantic side of life or maybe it’s the fact that you fear what’s out in the big bad world of dating. You can make a million excuses to avoid the scene, but eventually you’ll get that craving for intimacy and enjoyment.
If you find yourself envious at the sight of two lovebirds “goo-gooing” over each other, it’s probably time to get some love “action”. Girls night out maybe fun but dating provides the emotional satisfaction that the female bonding experience doesn’t offer.
So put away your Daniel Steel novels and put some words into action. Make the romance happen because after all, you deserve to take a break from the hum drum of motherhood without the guilt trip. Jump into the dating scene with both your feet, but do take caution. Every decision you make with regards to dating will impact the lives of your kids.
Here are some simple guidelines to follow for creating the perfect single parent dating balance:
There may be lots of challenges to balancing single parenting and dating, but don’t forget that single parents have the best of both worlds.
- Always remember that the kids come first. If a household emergency arises and you have a date booked with a real “hottie” you’ve been dying to spend time with, forget it. Reschedule your date. The kids need you first; unless, of course, the emergency is their way of keeping you home.
- Your date should acknowledge and respect your parenting responsibilities. If the lucky hopeful is too selfish, chances are, he won’t understand the responsibilities of a parent. He will probably demand your time and attention which will ultimately drain your energy instead of add value to your life.
- Don’t have unrealistic expectations about your date and dating. So he didn’t bring you flowers on the first date nor did open the car door for you. Sometimes dates don’t work out and you need to move on. Don’t be disappointed. Just have fun. Dating is an opportunity for self development and growth.
- Be open and honest. Let your date know about your domestic “situation” and wait for his reaction. If he likes the idea of dating a single mom, then he is probably a keeper. Don’t hide or lie about anything. It could bite you back later and damage your relationship.
- Don’t introduce the kids to every “date”. Bringing home a new man every month could confuse the heck out of the kids or make you look less like the angel they thought you were. Keep your love life hidden until you are absolutely sure that the man you want your kids to meet is “the keeper” who, at some point, they will have to share the house with. Have your dates call you on your personal cell phone.
- Be careful and cautious. Have dates in safe, public places and not in your home or your date’s home. Always keep your safety in mind. If you are online dating, be very cautious. If you arrange a place to meet with your online date, don’t jeopardize the safety of yourself and your kids.
- Take your time and take it slow. It’s difficult to carve out the time to date consistently every week. Being a single parent is a full time job. Just date when you can. Fit it in the schedule when you feel it is right. Don’t be desperate or anxious to date. Enjoy the natural pace as the opportunities evolve and don’t forgo a special moment with your child to go on a date with a stranger you may never hear from again.
Successful single parent dating should make you feel youthful, desirable, sexy and emotionally rewarded. Dating will create the balance that will make you a happier and healthier mother. Sometimes, the more exciting part of the term “single mom” is the word “single”. So, give it a try ‘cause you deserve it dahlin!
Single Parent Dating Tid Bits:
Best places to find decent potential dates
- Book stores
- Coffee shops
- Family functions (not family members but friends of families)
- Social gatherings
- Singles functions
- Speed Dating
- Online dating services (ie. Friendfinder.com, lavalife.com, match.com)
Best places to go on date:
- Amusement park
- Art galleries, museums and local attractions
- Wine tasting events
- Boat cruises
- Golf course