The dating scene is bad enough out there. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great people to meet, but it takes a while to sift through them all. The dating experience is so time-consuming and as we all know, time is a scarce resource even more so for single parents. But I guess it’s pretty easy to filter through all the potentials after you tell him that you’re a single parent. That’s usually been my way of scaring people off.
No doubt, it’s tough to be a single parent and dating. If you find yourself liking someone, your long-term relationship potential is determined by his reaction when you tell him that you come in a family pack.
Before diving into the dating scene, make sure you are “emotionally prepared”. What I mean by “emotionally prepared” is that you are strong enough to survive possible damage to your ego because of rejection and that you have already left the past behind with the doors nailed shut. If you are not yet emotionally healed from the divorce or separation, it’s best to stay away from the scene altogether. It would not be a pleasant experience for either of you if you are seeing the world through the eyes of a jaded divorcee.
Should You Date? The Upside of Dating
If you are ready to date, here are some great things to look forward to:
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- You get a chance to enjoy (or maybe not) some intimate time with another adult
- You get a break from the kids
- You get a free dinner (if you didn’t offer to pay)
- You are meeting new people which can be a positive experience
- You get to hear a lot of flattery and compliments whether they are genuine or not, it still pads the self-esteem
- You get butterflies from the excitement of being romanced
- You get stronger from rejection or more courageous in saying “No” when it’s not feeling right
- You get better acquainted with yourself and understand your preferences in a mate
- Most of all, it can keep your life emotionally and socially balanced just as long as you’re not dating so much that you forget to make dinner for the kids
The Downside of Dating
The challenges to face when dating
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- Finding the time to go out will probably be only on the weekend which makes building a relationship more difficult
- Adding the dating variable to your formula can create some temporary “unbalance” in your routine
- Talking about your kids with your date especially when he or she has never been in a relationship with a single parent before
- Not being able to have a slumber party because your kids will wonder why you didn’t come home
- For some of us, there is a cost to dating called babysitting fees
- Finding the right moment to tell the kids about your dating
- Finding the right time to introduce your love interest to your kids
Dating as a single parent is not easy. There are a number of things to juggle including yours and your kids’ emotions. If you see it as an opportunity to grow and learn from the experience, it’s a healthy approach. Setting low or no expectations is also a good way to avoid any disappointments and heartache. Life is complicated as it is so by keeping your emotions in check and optimistic, you will find the journey of dating more enjoyable.
Visualize the type of person you want to meet but don’t expect it to materialize overnight. You may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince charming. Just ensure you keep safety in mind at all times and be careful about where you meet your date.
Laila Naeem says:
As a parent I always have my child’s best interest in mind. Since the day my angel was born, I feel like I breathe only for her. But recently with her growing up, it is hitting me how much I have neglected myself while raising her because even the thought of entertaining another person in my life hits me with guilt. this article summarized the pitfalls of dating as a single parent but also has given me the courage to take and start looking for someone who can fulfill my needs and remind me that I’m not only a parent but a person with a need to form an intimate connection and attachment.